As I move through my daily life I am at times torn by the knowledge of my mortality.

My heart aches at the knowing that I am caught in the frailty of time.

I know my future self would do anything to be back in even the most challenging of moments with my children, family, friend or simply myself.

I lean towards the God of heaven in my mind and heart.

I know that at the end of my capacity comes humility.

I know that each moment, touch, laugh, smile, tear, each yes, each no, and each “I love you Mommy” moment is permeated in times golden.

My heart aches at my failings in light of the golden moments I can never take back.

Im so sorry for my failings.

Yet, my failings are where truth begins.

Daily I come to the end of myself as a mother, and as a person.

The end of me is the place where Jesus starts.

It is for his glory in me to rise up.

In the pains I find my learning.

In pains wake I grow.

In this place I find grace for my heart.

In this place I find heavens strength.

But moments are finite in this life.

In the next life, our moments are infinite.

When we step out of these mortal bodies we are no longer slaves to time.

All of life’s golden moments will be on replay.

Love will win and all the darkness will have fallen from our memories.

I will once again step into loves greatest times.

I will again hold my newborn son in my arms.

I will kiss the soft skin of my newborn daughter’s face.

I will dance at my wedding.

I will hold my loves hand under a sky of shooting stars.

Philippians 2:5-8