I started to take piano lessons somewhere around the time of Covid 19. Weekly I would go, when I could actually attend a lesson, to a ladies house to learn. Lessons were in the basement with large windows and a well lit view to the outside. In this place I found peace. Lessons became therapy and a place to escape the fears I felt swirling around in the world. Thankfully the passage of time graciously places distance between then and now. With this passage piano remains the same. Lessons are peaceful pockets of open conversation and laughs. Sometimes we play the piano too, and I am definitely smiling as I write this.

This morning I sat down to play the piano. Having had piano lessons the evening before I was fresh with motivation. During my lesson my wise teacher asked me a question. “Are you playing for perfection?” I said yes. I realized that as I looked at a piece of music I saw each note as a number. I believed in my heart and mind that if I just played each number in time I would perform the way that I should. My teacher presented the idea that everyone makes mistakes. That striving for perfection takes away the beauty in the music. When mistakes are made a good musician keeps playing on. She directed me to play with a picture or a person in mind. In my interpretation of what I took from her as a life lesson I am to play with soul, heart or purpose.

This morning I was playing a song called Sincerely by Andrea Dow, Arr. The Magic Flute, Mozart. It is a simple piece found within one of my Wonder Key Pop Staff Piano books for Older Adults. I’ve finally come to grips with the “older” portion of that title by the way. As I sat down to play my back was not straight. I arched my fingers and pressed the keys lazily. Then I considered my teachers words. Her voice and thoughts moved through my mind. So I chose to play with heart and mustered an image to think of as I played.

My niece Abigail came to mind. We had tragically lost her in a car accident in the summer of 2019. One moment from that time arose specifically. A flash back of when I steered my vehicle into the familiar circle driveway and saw some of my family out on the covered porch. A very normative scene, but this time someone was missing. It felt surreal to be there and as I opened the care door I was more aware of myself that normal. It was painful, awkward and something that I hadn’t experienced before. I felt the gravel under my feet as I walked up the wooden steps. My beautiful sister came down the stairs along side my brother in law and some of her children around her. I don’t remember the others as clearly as I do her. The pulsing pain in her face. The seat of wild helplessness. She looked at me and said “My Baby!”

When I started to play I had only Abby herself in mind. As I hit the notes C then G in my left hand followed by D, D, in my right I heard myself ask “Why Lord.” “Trust me,” echoed back inside of me. Over and Over my fingers rose and fell. I felt myself move into emotional pain. As I played tears came down my face. The sensation of them rolling was strong enough for me to feel the tension in them. The little offerings of my broken heart fell for my sister. They arose from a hidden place of weariness from which I was unawares. I played the song through, along with its welcomed dynamics. It was a relief to feel and to be alive. My heart opened up to my own helplessness and I found meaning in its expression.

I took a break from writing and sat down to yet again play the song. It felt smoother and I all the lighter. So I encourage you to find your song or means to let go of the burden you are carrying. Life presents us with so much pain. As it devours you do not let go of that inner recognition of something more. There is a greater purpose for all things.

So yet again I declare my Hope of Heaven because of Jesus our God. In the biblical book of Hebrews I read about Gods promise For we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain.” This curtain is the barrier to regular human entry into the holy presence of the one and only holy God. Jesus makes this way. He is the very way into Gods presence. So someday, because of Jesus mortal entry into this secret sanctuary, I know my precious sister will say yet again say “My Baby!” Only this time dear reader it will be joy’s proclamation of Abigail’s presence in the kingdom of Yeshua the Lord who saves.

Matthew 16: 19

Romans 10:9

Hebrews 6:19-20