Someone once asked her the question where Jesus was in her darkest moment.
As her mind pondered the answer she sat back and allowed an old memory to grab hold of her. Suddenly she was there, standing. The hallway with pale coloured walls stretched out in front of her. The solitary door on her left offered temporary escape. She grabbed the handle and went inside.
Kneeling down on the white bathroom floor she prayed that God would forgive her. She told him she didn’t have any other option. “Im sorry” she whispered. Weakly she stood up and stepped back into the hallway. The nurse waited outside the door.
Down the hallway in front of her another doorway opened up to a treatment room. She sat herself upon the exam table and cried.
“You don’t have to do this” the nurse said.
“Yes I do” She replied.
She laid down on the bed. A poster of colourful, but empty beach chairs loomed above her. That was the last thing she remembered before the emptiness.
As the memory faded it brought tears to her eyes and sorrow to her heart. Where was Jesus she asked herself? Then she saw him. A familiar feeling man was standing in the corner of that memory. It seemed as though he was waiting for her. She watched him as he walked towards her unconscious body. Laying himself down over her he started falling into her form like it was a pool, but without a splash. He was covering her.
She realized then that he was holding on to her spirit so that her life would be saved. The agony of what she was choosing to do was attempting to steal her life. As though she was a treasure of great value he clutched tightly upon her as they traveled along into those dark depths. She was not alone.
As the memory changed a newfound view of Gods love washed over her heart. She was his treasure. He created her and wanted her. Not even her choices separated her from His love. As she laid there in her deepest sin she was already forgiven. Gods grace reached out to her soul giving her life while another was being taken from her body.
Have you ever found yourself in such a hallway where the outcome of your choices goes against your deepest moral code? Have you found yourself in the dark place where the only option is to sacrifice yourself? The pressure from perceived judgement may have pressed constantly upon your mind narrowing your focus so you could not remember who God was.
When you have lost all thought for yourself, He is thinking all of these thoughts.
When your view is narrowed, He sees all possible sides.
When your heart is broken, He is the healer.
When hope is lost, He is the way.
When your voice is silenced, He is the sound.